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LONGTERM - improve this short paragraph (90 words)

Status: Closed
Prize: $10
Entries Received: 24
Winner: jamiesmall

Winner

Contest Brief

English in not my first language, so I'm looking for someone to help me improve ALL wording on my small website. This contest is a test, and it should help me find such person. If you are interested, provide me better version of the text below. By "better" and "improve" I mean to make sure it's grammatically correct, short, easy to read and easy to understand. PS: for this example, company name is replaced with "abcd".

Price
It's better than free!
$1 a day + $0.10/email and $0.20/fax

For example, with 1,500 email orders and 500 fax orders per month your abcd bill comes to $280. But keep in mind - abcd converts customers to your commission free ordering. So, assuming your average order is $20, and assuming abcd changes ordering behavior of 14.7% people (as we did for the last 12 month for others), you will save around $882! Give it a try, and you will see why it's better than free.

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Employer Feedback

“Well done!”

vitaliyhayda, United States.

Public Clarification Board

michellealmeida7
- 10 years ago
To be frank, i don't know how anyone is supposed to perform a good job with Bad English and incorrect information. No offence intended, just saying.
- 10 years ago
1. Contest Holder
  - 10 years ago
  English is my fault. But math is correct, because the way abcd works is not the way you think it works. I've explained that couple of comments before. No offence.
  - 10 years ago
2. Contest Holder
  - 10 years ago
  Also take a look at 5 star entries, because english there is better, so it's more clear.
  - 10 years ago
Contest Holder
- 10 years ago
And it has to be short, with max of 100 words, but try below 60.
- 10 years ago
1. Contest Holder
  - 10 years ago
  If some information is lost, it's ok, be creative.
  - 10 years ago
Contest Holder
- 10 years ago
To clarify how abcd works:
Before: high commission website sends orders via email/fax to business

After: high commission website sends orders via email/fax to abcd and then abcd sends those orders to business

So it will cost something for abcd service, but in return business owners gets a lot of features. And saves a lot of money, because abcd converts customers away from ordering on high commission websites, to that businesses commission free resource.

$1/day is because it costs something for abcd to reserve fax number for business in case they register, but don't use it to receive orders.
- 10 years ago
sosdocmd
- 10 years ago
Hi Vitaliy, me again! Can you clarify - this is a email/letter sent to prospective clients. The business is to write and send emails, as well as faxes to specified lists you are given? And the ordering piece- you mean that $882 is the earnings from that average order,stimulated to up order with abcd's interface is that correct? Are you writing the emails /faxes or just distributing them? And can you clarify $1 a day means? I want to understand the info before I write an entry!
- 10 years ago
1. Contest Holder
  - 10 years ago
  Before: high commission website sends orders via email/fax to business
  
  After: high commission website sends orders via email/fax to abcd and then abcd sends those orders to business
  
  So it will cost something for abcd service, but in return business owners gets a lot of features. And saves a lot of money, because abcd converts customers away from ordering on high commission websites, to that businesses commission free resource.
  
  $1/day is because it costs something for abcd to reserve fax number for business in case they register, but don't use it to receive orders.
  - 10 years ago