Please find attached a mockup for a press release for a new software product release. Your job is to use that as your base to write an amazing and all-around awesome press release that will grab the reader from the eyeballs and makes him want more.
The target length (also max length) of the press release is 600 words including the headline and contact details. Only make a bid if you can start right now, and you have experience in writing press releases. The target audience are nerdish males who are interested in computers, mostly US based. I want the overall tone of the press release to be funny but not ridiculous.
The attached file contains some html tags. You can ignore them if you are not familiar with html. The final delivery must be text-only, no formatting can be used.