Create a Linux Bash upgrade and install Script to autorun from USB drive

I have a few xubuntu machines in different versions (most of them probably running v 14.04 trusty) that needs a upgrade and new software installed by technitians that don't know anything about linux. Therefore I need help to create a Bash script for a USB-drive that autoruns on insertion of the USB drive, set proxy settings for apt (/etc/apt/apt.conf.d/95proxies), upgrades the machine and then install software listed below. Script functionality: - Autorun when USB drive with script is inserted in the Xubuntu machine - Verify connectivity to proxy server -If no conectivity, abort script from further commands and popup dialogue to inform user - Create proxy settings file with contents for apt (/etc/apt/apt.conf.d/95proxies) - Run commands to update & upgrade xubuntu - If errors are preventing upgrade system files (such as low or no disk space), abort script from further commands and popup dialogue to inform user - Install and start openSSH server - Install and start XRDP - Install, configure and start vncserver - End script and popup dialogue to inform user that all settings, upgrades and installs was finished